”No Hair”

I met Mark Wambugu aka Mark Majesty (Instagram)  of https://thispostisabout.wordpress.com in campus. Do not even bother with his Instagram, its full of memes. Well, unless you are a meme person. His blog though, now that deserves your full attention. His wit and sarcasm are what I adore the most in his writing. Mark is quiet, I dare say shy even. He is the kind that looks like they are judging you silently but they are really thinking about who will sit on the iron throne in the final season of GOT. Or at what time do parrots like me shut the hell up. I am usually intrigued by introverts, hence why I asked Mark nicely to guest post in here. I told him I turn a year older in September and he cannot afford to say no to an ageing woman.  It worked. Mainly because he felt sorry for me? Honestly, I do not know man. Sometimes I cannot deal with introverts. However, I am glad I asked him to feature here.

Here’s Mark with “No hair”.

No Hair

Tell me how I’m supposed to live with no hair” – Jordin Sparks 🎶

It’s odd being a guest author. I mean do I make myself at home? Do I respect this space because I did not pay for this domain? Do I bring gifts? Do I bring a change of clothes? Did I make sure the gas was off before I left the house? I need rules!

Anyway, once upon a Thursday, this guy [me], was approached (read arm-twisted) to write something over here. “Write about anything”, she texted. “But I need it by end month.”

“You’re giving me a deadline?” I asked.

“Yes. No pressure though.”

No pressure indeed.

This blog as I have come to realize is a hair and travel blog. As far as I’m concerned, I have absolutely no business making a contribution here because:

  1. I’m a homebody and literally do not travel.

It’s not my fault. Some people were born with wanderlust in their bloodstreams. They enjoy the smell of the sea. The feel of hot sand beneath bare feet as a cool breeze flows all around them. Some people get in boats and traverse lagoons. Some get on donkeys or camels in strange towns full of people with different cultures and customs. Some willingly take themselves to a desert. Some climb mountains. Some take planes while others live for road trips.

Me? Give me a good book, snacks and a comforter and leave me in a corner. You’ll find me there when you get back.

See, if I have to travel, I want to travel into the mind of an author. Into dystopian lands with dictators who all apparently wear all-white. Into alien civilizations where intergalactic travel is possible. Into alternate dimensions where magic rules and superpowers exist. Basically, I like reading about things that are literally never ever going to happen.

 

  1. I have no hair.

This is also not my fault. I blame my parents.

As a firstborn son, there are things I did not get to do because I wanted to be a good example to my brothers. So I had to grow up really fast. I had to work hard in school, at home, do what mother and father told me to do, avoid drugs and alcohol and so on.

Most of these aren’t bad things but they did make me grow up. Now I have the body of a 26-year-old but the mind of a man in his 40s. Unfortunately, my scalp also thinks that I am in my 40s. How could it betray me like this?

Also… you know… genetics.

But don’t get me wrong, I do have hair. However, there’s this spot at the top of my skull where the Lord focuses His favor and grace upon me that I have repeatedly asked Him to conceal but He hasn’t yet.

Should I choose not to shave my head for a week, it looks like God is using a skin-colored laser pointer as if He’s making a presentation to the angels.

I imagine it like this:

Gabriel: Hello Almighty King. Whom should we bless today?

God: My son, Mark.

Gabriel: Where is he?

God: He’s over there. Writing a blog post on his phone because he was too lazy to start up his computer.

Gabriel: Should we use the sniper rifle?

God: Of course.

Gabriel: Awesome!

The Gabriel aims the blessing rifle using a laser pointer that deletes all the hair it touches and BOOM! Mark gets a blessing.

At least that’s how I imagine it. Why else would I have a bald spot?

 

Scientists want to tell me that 30% of men lose their hair in their 20s and another 40% will have lost it by their 40s. So by this reasoning, I’m a head (haha 😂 puns) of the curve.

But I like the angels with rifles story better.

 

Embracing my hair loss has been difficult though. Nobody has ever wanted to lose his hair. It’s depressing. Like seriously. You feel devalued. Your friends and family are of no help and there’s absolutely nothing you can do.

Male friends are the worst when it comes to hair loss. Especially if they have a full head of hair. Like “Yo! Man, you’re going bald! “ [insert laughter that pierces you to your core].

And you have to take the insult like a man because that’s what you are and society tells you that men should not appear weak or vulnerable. So you perfect the plastic smile while you die a little inside.

What is self-esteem?

Then you go on YouTube and you see videos like 10 Best Hairstyles for Men and bald isn’t one of them (never mind that most of them if not all of them are for white people).

What is self-esteem?

Then one day you decide to shave it all off. And people comment that you look weird.

What is self-esteem?

Being bald is a struggle. I should start an NGO.

 

It’s not all bad though. Eventually, you start to look better in your own eyes. You even appreciate that you don’t have to spend a second fixing your hair before you leave the house.

What is shampoo? What is dandruff?

Also, you stop caring about your hair. I haven’t yet but you will. And then with all this newly acquired confidence, you start to look more attractive to other people.

At least that’s what they tell me.

 

I still like the angels with rifles story better.

BOOM! [Insert name here] gets blessed.

 

Dedicated to all the men in the struggle.

 

Now let me leave before I overstay my welcome.

Comments (9)

  1. Mokeira December 4, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    Please stay!
    I will volunteer at your NGO😅😅

  2. Pamela Chemelil December 4, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    Rioba,i know you like giving deadlines…thought it was me alone..but, a guest too 😏
    Also this idea of guest writing is amazing…He’s so talented.

    Mark ✔️, you are too funny.That was a good read…be a guest all the time.Following you right away 👉

  3. Min Jowi December 4, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    hahaha can that rifle be aimed at another spot??? BOOM! Nicole gets blessed. 😂

  4. Enock December 4, 2017 at 4:44 pm

    Mark I knew you had it in you…I think that’s what introverts do…they leave it all on paper…(BOOM). Nimeruka new

  5. Ndandy December 4, 2017 at 7:16 pm

    😂😂😂😂😂 bruh i gara go i gara leave. “Mans just crazy”

  6. Robin December 4, 2017 at 9:43 pm

    Mark!!! Hahaha! “Some even willingly go to the desert!” Hahaaaa

  7. Joyyy December 5, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    No bitmojis:( this would have done with a lot of them,a good lot,but ‘man-wigs’ are an option I hear…

  8. Kui December 5, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    Mark, you are hilarious

  9. Michael Maweu December 7, 2017 at 11:50 pm

    Lakini nani aliambia kila mtu on the comments lazima aonge kizungu.. Ooh well, BOOM on that bald head. Awesome read 👊

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