UAEven Know it

Even before we landed, the heat was already stroking my face. It is insanely hot. At the Dubai International airport, a guy was yelling in Arabic to passengers. ” Milly, one of my travel buddies, kept repeating what he was saying, like a typical light skin.

The drive from the airport to our apartment unearthed the rumors I had heard of Dubai. Dude, I had to see it to believe it. There’s a quote that goes “Travelling leaves you speechless, and then turns you into a storyteller.” Nothing I write captures the vast wealth I witnessed in that short drive. One moment I’m admiring a skyscraper, the next minute a Mustang rushes by, and while I am on that, I hear the cab driver flirting Mary or was it, Milly? He had a very sexy accent, but I had no time for that because I wanted to steal a glimpse of the Burj Khalifa. Man! I was not ready for the city of wealth. Listen, there is no way I will get used to seeing women in their late teens or early 20’s cruising in range rovers and convertibles. Rip sponsors. Most people had I-phones. Rip Nairobi I-phone owners. See what I did there? Dubai is a lofty cosmopolitan city. In a day, one can meet people from up to 7 different nationalities. I am not sure if this is the reason why people in the service industry address customers as ma’am or sir.

''Will that be cash or credit ma’am?”

“Here’s your ice cream ma’am.”

“That will be 40 AED ma’am.”

“Are you enjoying your meal ma’am?”

Here are some of the places we explored.

Dubai Miracle Garden

One of the most beautiful places in Dubai. Home to over 45 million flowers. It has a multitude of flowers that put Abdul to sleep.I’m not kidding, dude got there and slept. Abdul, why you do have to sleep in a place that has so much love going on?  Love lives here. I could see and feel the love. What with couples, young and old alike exchanging kisses and taking selfies. People are so happily in love that I was tempted to hold Mary’s hand. Maybe if I held her hand couples would stop asking us to take their pictures, but I settled for whispering “wataachana tu”  while taking their pics.

Beaches

We only had a chance to visit the JBR beach which is next to the infamous hotel shaped like a dhow, Burj Al Arab. It was a bad idea to visit the beach during the day because the heat was unbearable. Besides, the JBR beach is too touristy, so you might want to stay away if you are not a  fan of crowds. 

 

Desert Safari

Ours was the evening safari. The driver was meant to pick us at 4 pm, and by 3.30 pm we were nowhere near our apartment. Here is the thing about the UAE tour groups, they have no time for African timing. Panic set in. By panic I mean Chebet. she could not sit still. She was fidgeting. I was tempted to ask her if peeing would help. She was so out of place that she said if we missed the desert safari she would take the next flight home.  To make matters worse, because we were in a hurry, we occupied seats in the metro meant for Gold Nol card holders. We were not even silver nol card holders then out of nowhere a cop walks in. Who sent her? No one made eye contact with her.

Two things I learned from this experience;Do not try to do too many things at once while traveling and Chebet is the manager of heart attack villas.

We did not miss the safari. We got to ride the camels, enjoy the Arabian night theme and ride the quad bikes. Our resident subaru boy mistook the quad bike for his Subaru by riding the quad bike at high speed; he ended up getting into a mini accident; who I’m I kidding, dude crashed  and kissed the sand.   It was not funny at the time, but now when I think about it, Abdul looked like someone poured a bag of flour on him.

 

Abu Dhabi

Of course, we had to visit the Capital of the UAE.  My primary interests of this trip were the Sheikh Zayed Mohammed mosque and the highlight of my journey, Ferrari world. Our tour guide provided us with Abayas before we headed to the mosque.Later, we went to Ferrari world, and we headed straight to the fastest roller coasters in the world. No one prepares you for the brutality that this roller coaster exposes you to. The moment it was our turn to go on the Formula Rossa, the fastest roller coaster in the world, I was like “Oh HELL! I should have never said yes to this.”  I  promise you that ride has some final destination vibe going on. Imagine moving at a speed of 240km/hr. Honestly; I felt like I was losing my mind. I could have sworn my insides got displaced in the process. After that, we went to the other roller coaster called flying aces.  This one is about a three-minute ride, but the experience was equally brutal. At the end of it I heard a kid, about 14 or 15 tell his friend  “ Adam, I think I might have shat myself.”

Aqua Venture at the Atlantis the Palm Hotel & Resort

You would think after the adrenaline we experienced thanks to the roller coasters we would take a chill pill. The next day we were at the qua venture water park.It is  home to water slides; some filled with shark lagoons. Yes. Sharks.For you to go through all the slides, you will have to set aside a whole day. We also got a glimpse of the dolphin show.Water slides are not for the weak.  First, you are moving at high speed. Second, some of them are enclosed, so you are riding in the dark. Third, if you do not lift your bum off the floaters while sliding, you will understand why foreplay is important.

Shopping at the Malls

I am not a fan of malls but our divas Mary and Abdul were in Dubai specifically to buy so as you can imagine we spent hours at the malls. I cannot blame them though, Dubai malls have franchises we don’t have back home so you may want to take advantage of this.

Night life

What I learned about the night  life in Dubai.

A bottle of beer ranges from 25 USD to 40 USD.

Guys pay entrance fee of about 100 AED

Get lost in the city

It was the first time I saw motorists and pedestrians alike following traffic rules. So red actually means stop not rush to cross if a car is not close? Red means stop whether there is an incoming vehicle or not. One time I tried to rush across and Chebet yelled at me saying “This is not kawangware, do not cross the road unless the light reads green.’’ Okay, she did not mention kawangware.

Take the red bus tour if you may, it’s a fantastic way to see the city, or use the metro to see the city by day and night. You’ll get to see the famous Burj Al Arab, Burj Khalifa, the dancing fountains, Dubai glow garden and so on. Dubai is such a show-off.

I recommend getting a nol card for your length of stay. It’s Cheaper to use the metro to get around than the metered taxis.

Also, take a Ride on the Abbra. Why not? You are a tourist. No?

Flights

Flying from Nairobi to Dubai is affordable if you book your flight as early as three months before your travel date. We choose RwandAir which at the time had a 4-hour layover in Kigali. Ladies, you might want to opt RwandAir. (sips cold tea). Thank me later.

Accommodation

We used booking.com.  Our apartment looked exactly as it was advertised on the site.

You think money cannot buy happiness? Habibi…Visit the UAE!